I am unsure on where to start. I turned 30 last Friday- spent my early twenties seeking male validation, getting emotionally attached to men before truly getting to know them and wasting my precious time on someone who could care less about me. This is rooted in my childhood and my then- unpresent father.
While I’ve been on my solitude journey for about a year now- working with a therapist and doing the inner work- I am slowly starting to dread dating. It does not come from a fear based place but rather from an “I enjoy my solitude and not having a man in my ear all the time” stance. I like being able to go wherever I want. Oh there’s an estate sale this Saturday at 8 AM? Count me in. I like cooking whatever my heart desires. Dessert for dinner tonight? no problem!
I’ve grown tired of the “talking stage”. I dread having to get to know someone all over again. The thought of going out on a date tires me. I’m enjoying staying at home, drinking tea and journaling.
All of this has brought me to the realization that maybe I don’t want to be married. I enjoy my solitude, free time and nothing more. I love to love and be loved but it is time to pour that love into myself and enjoy my time on Earth while I’m here.
Maybe one day this will change. Or maybe it won’t. But today, I’m choosing the comfort of my own company, the joy of slow mornings, and the sweet simplicity of a quiet, unbothered life. And if love ever finds me, it will have to know that I’ve already built a beautiful home within myself.
-Sincerely, a 30- year- old lover girl going through a divorce.